she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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