so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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