Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
