ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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