My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize