He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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