Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize