tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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