Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
