So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
