That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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