i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize