Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
