If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
