totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
