i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
