have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
