I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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