well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
