Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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