well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
