What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
