I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
