I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
