I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
