It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
