Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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