so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
