If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
