So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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