Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
