Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
