if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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