i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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