I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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