covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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