Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
