I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
