So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
jump out the window naked night went bad
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