considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
