Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
