what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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