can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
