I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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