you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
40s are totally the cure
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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