so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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