Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
