stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
