We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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