I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
