I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
