there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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