Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize