My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
