I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
