Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
