Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize