She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize