i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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