I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone came in the potted fern
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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