Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
