Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize