Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
