is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
