You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
