What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
