I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Two words: blizzard sex
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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