I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
