so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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