Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't shave. On purpose
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
did i walk over a car last night?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
