I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
