May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
