i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i think i just lost a toe
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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