in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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